That went well…

So here we are almost 3 months since my last post, and it hasn’t gone well. Getting settled into this medication has taken so much longer than I could have ever thought (or hoped.) It has been better for the most part for day-to-day moods. However, there are still a significant number of down days for want of a better expression. It seems I set my sights too high in my last post.

I should have just focussed on getting my head straight first. The added pressure of trying to do all the other things ultimately led me to fail. I am not mad, but I am disappointed in myself. I have started some of the projects I planned on doing but they are by no means progressed as much as they should be. There I go piling the pressure on myself again. I should really be praising my progress, I guess. I mean, I have managed to function from day to day. Before going on these meds, I was close to the edge, and it felt like I was staring into an abyss that was slowly starting to envelope me. Although I still get that feeling from time to time, I feel like I am nowhere near in freefall as I was back then.

Again, it is hard to believe that nearly three months have passed since my previous post.  I guess that is a blessing and a curse. Time marches on whether you are ready for it or not.

Anyway, I’ve decided to readjust my focus to smaller, incremental improvements instead of swinging for the fences as it were. The new plan is simple in theory. Clear my mind so I can focus on the bigger, personal goals I have. I am under no illusions that this will be easier said than done but the hope is, by breaking them down into smaller chunks, I can get there.

So, by the end of the year I plan on it being normal to go for long walks a few times a week which should, I’m hoping, get me to that goal of feeling better about myself. Which, in turn, will make me fitter which will help make me feel better about myself and so on. Reversing to downward spiral into a positive cycle which should get easier as time moves on.

I think I must allow myself to fail but when I do, I should try my best not to switch off completely but take it on the chin and just try again the next day.

I can do this.