Overthinking and sense of impending doom

This post is likely going to get a little dark but I have read in multiple places that the act of simply writing things down helps to lift some of the darkness. I have experienced that effect too on occasion so with that in mind please be warned.

Last night my mood dipped quite a lot. Nothing particularly unusual about that but since I started looking back on the dips trying to find a pattern and although I get them seemingly at random, they do seem to cluster around Sunday evenings. I’m thinking it is likely my brain trying to kick back into work mode for the next day and then starting to worry about things that may or may not be wrong there even though most of the time Monday turns out to be just like any other day. The problem is not work it is more that my mind likes to go out and conjure up the worst possible scenario that could happen at any given moment. Honestly it is just exhausting. I have yet found a way to break the cycle. I am getting better at mitigating it but it still drags me down and brings on some dark thoughts.

If there is anyone out there reading this I’d love to hear from you. How do you deal with this situation if it happens to you?

Sometimes I turn to comfort food to maybe lift my mood a little and that in itself is a form of self destruction. I am by no means in shape and eating badly will not help me with that. This creates another vicious cycle of feeling bad especially when I see myself naked in a mirror to slumping and not feeling I have the strength, discipline or energy to do anything about it so eating and then looking in the mirror again. Repeat for infinity.

I tell myself that if I can just break one negative habit then I will have a chance of feeling better but the fact I feel so low and worthless defeats my efforts. I feel that the hold the depression has on me is so strong and ultimately it wants me to fail and honestly, sometimes I contemplate letting it win.

I’m exhausted.