Posted inPersonal

What a difference a day makes

After my run of good days today I am feeling low again. I was really hoping I was off this rollercoaster. I hope this is just a blip. It is hard to put my finger on why. The day was not much different to any other. My brain just seems to decide to go "Oh you have had some good days, time for some down ones. Enjoy!" I think I may switch around my medication again to a different time of the day if this slump turns into more than just a one-day thing. Its honestly so draining to fight…
Tags:
Posted inPersonal

Frustrated but motivated

I just finished spending about 3 hours trying to get a ssh tunnel to work in Python but ran into so many issues with the host and my own network. I have the actual code I need, and the API connection details I want to use with the tunnel to the DB but for some reason I am running into roadblocks. For the sake of my sanity (and so that I don't spend all night working on it) I downed tools for the night. It wasn't a total loss though; I learned some new techniques that I can apply elsewhere.…
Tags: ,
Posted inPersonal

Slowly emerging

It has been a little while since I posted. The slump lasted longer than I had hoped. I saved almost all my energy just to keep doing my day-to-day responsibilities and had to put things like this site to the side. It is not ideal but sometimes I go into a kind of "survival mode" as some people refer to it as. Anyway, it is the start of a three-day weekend so plenty of time to recharge and having a bit of a lay in already helped a bit. I think I'll take today just to chill a bit. I…
Tags: 1 Comment
Posted inPersonal

Struggling

Despite my best efforts I am still not out of my mental slump. Last night was the worst night I had for a long time. So many dark thoughts which kept seeming increasingly a good idea. I need to get out of this soon otherwise I may have to go back to the doctors. Although the docs will just give me more drugs and put me on a waiting list for counselling (which never comes.) The state of mental health care in the UK is shocking. Not much else to say except that I do not know if I will…
Tags: ,
Posted inPersonal

Finally hitting the button

A few days after saying I was going to stream I finally did it today. Only for just over an hour but I managed to banish my anxiety long enough to hit the "Start stream" button. I started a fresh play through of Planet Crafter as planned. Everything seemed to go ok apart from my headset crackling a little bit. That turned out to be a Windows setting issue. Nobody came to the stream except for one bot trying to get me to buy follows. I won't be trying to stream as a career, more as a curiosity. I mean,…
Tags: ,